from sunshine ... and states beyond

crap

2007-01-16T07:18:00.000-05:00

crap,
originally uploaded by sunshineandbeyond.

every time i'm home, my mother asks if i'd like to go through my old things.

i always say no and now she's taken matters into her own hands.

last week i received four packages in the mail: books like sweet valley high and pat the bunny, birth certificate, summer camp song book, hs diploma, ken doll, and a picture of myself.

get out ... no vote

2006-11-06T20:02:00.000-05:00

as i sat down at the computer tonight with every intention of mapping out who i need to vote for tomorrow it suddenly struck me … i’m not registered in georgia. crap.

no worries absentee vote in florida via internet. nope. double crap.

so here we are. midterm elections. even fewer people go to the polls than for a presidential election. but by all accounts, this vote is pivotal to getting some of the republicans out of office. unfortunately, i’ll be one of the bystanders.

so if you happen to be a liberal-minded non-voter in florida or georgia… please go to the polls. at worst, consider it as a way to get out of work for an hour or so.

for a little guidance try:
equality florida
worried the new machines are bunk? mother jones has some ideas: what to take to the polls: id, video camera, audio tape
see where your congressperson stands on issues with hrc’s congressional scorecard
want to make votes that will help protect reproductive rights? check out this guide.
or check emily’s list for strong women candidates.

are you voting tomorrow?

the problem with suspense

2006-10-31T22:15:00.000-05:00

there's a problem with network tv shows that use suspense as a tool of engagement - the clock. (guess what i've been doing with my evenings.) suspect is close to being nabbed and all the watcher needs to do is look at the clock to know if this trick is going to do it. 30 minutes into an hour long show ... they'll probably fail and have to think of something else. this isn't an epiphany... we've all been doing it for years. i imagine my parents watching perry mason and watching the clock.

so why do we keep getting engrossed?

getting lost

2006-10-25T18:40:00.000-04:00

there’s a good kind of getting lost and a bad kind of getting lost. strolling through a new city on a bright crisp day … taking in the sites and realizing your not quite sure how to get back to where you came from. but running into a friendly stranger or convenient map that guides you. that’s a nice kind of getting lost. driving frantically toward a dinner engagement for which you’re late and finding yourself lost in an unsafe part of town where people are harassing you. that’s a frightening kind of lost.

in the figurative way, people always talk about losing themselves as though it is - by definition - a prolonged wandering without purpose. truly, one can get lost every day. in a moment. and even then there’s a good kind of getting lost and a bad kind of getting lost. lost in contentment, excitement, possibility. lost in questioning, dead ends, inside your head.

lost in settling into a new city. lost in work. lost in trying to find up from down when every other weekend is spent out of town. it’s an odd kind of lost. not bad per se, but it certainly leaves something to be desired.

that’s been me, sort of, but only in the in between times. time at work feels right. time with friends, no matter where, feels right. time in the neighborhood walking my dog feels right.

the in between can get a little iffy. those moments where you want to tie all the loose ends together.

last night i went to yoga for the first time ever. it was like meditation kicked up a notch. it spawned this post. and it definitely felt like a grounding experience.

i think i know why people like oxygen bars. It felt like the movements and breathing performed an air dialysis on my entire body. leaves you feeling a little … high.

how do you get back on course?

my first tire change

2006-09-27T20:09:00.000-04:00

my first tire change,
originally uploaded by sunshineandbeyond.

i can't really say i did it ALL by myself, because well... i had to make two phone calls for pointers. but, lots of hopping on the tire iron, multiple toe cramps, and two seriously black palms later -- tire changed.

the best part -- just as i was tightening the last screw the guy next door heard the telltale noise of a lug nut being (he thought) loosened. being a nice gentleman, he sauntered over to save the day. but as he came around the side of the car he said, ‘oh! you’re done.”

that’s right.

ick doesn't even begin to describe it

2006-09-26T18:36:00.000-04:00

some of you may already know about this weekend’s camping adventure. it was quite enjoyable: lots of qt by the fire; more stars than i’ve seen in a decade; a freezing dip at ichetucknee springs; a hike i thought might never end; even some wildlife sightings. and, of course, more good memories. that is, until this morning.

in the midst of my third shower since the camping experience i discovered two ticks attached to my body.

holy gag reflex.

seriously. these bulbous little creatures had their smarmy little heads buried – fortunately nowhere exciting, one behind my knee and one on my hip – in my skin, siphoning out molecules of blood.

parasites.

after making a phone call to squealingly share my misery and dismay with another human being, i thought i’d composed myself. but it’s early evening now and i’m still plagued with sensory hallucinations of more of those little pricks burrowing into my body.

i. may. never. go. camping. again.

at the ball game

2006-09-11T07:37:00.000-04:00

at the ball game,
originally uploaded by sunshineandbeyond.

a few innings in, amanda (far right with headphones) snickered and said:

"heh... i'm going to put my headphones on. and everyone will think i'm listening to the game. because i'm really into it. but really ... i'm just listening to music."

baby steps

2006-08-17T22:09:00.000-04:00

today the president held a ceremony to sign new pension legislation into law. many of us are too young to have paid attention to this bill – which literally, barely made it under the wire for passage this session. for the most part, my generation either isn’t thinking yet about retirement or already knows that a corporate-funded pension is a right of generations past. media concentrated heavily on portions of the bill that will enable hurting industries to pay out earned benefits to thousands who have counted on and earned pensions.

hrc applauds a couple of details in the bill that are important to the queer community, rights previously reserved for legal spouses and dependents:

if the plan holder dies, the new law allows non-spouse benefactors to transfer retirement benefits rather than having to immediately cash out and face daunting tax penalties; and

if a non-spouse beneficiary has certain medical or financial emergencies, the plan holder may draw on retirement funds for help.

may not seem like much to some. but every little bit helps.

one angry apple

2006-08-16T07:40:00.001-04:00

extraordinary manching,
originally uploaded by sunshineandbeyond.

fiona apple played chastain park (atl) recently and it was like nothing i’ve ever experienced.

listening to one of her cds it’s impossible not to notice the angst. but her sweet voice can lull an unwitting listener into thinking there is calm under the wave.

the performance at chastain was a different feel altogether. singing these songs live, it is as though apple is lyrically experiencing the pain that went into them all over again. her voice is raw but beautiful. she moves from crooning to guttural tones that feel like an auditory outpouring of wounds that are still openly gushing: her arms flail. she crouches. she muses. she screams.

do the stage performance bring all of the emotion back to the surface? or is she simply as much actress as songstress?

hello? is there anybody out there?

2006-08-13T13:04:00.000-04:00

it’s been far too long since i’ve posted on sunshine. truth is, i’ve been virtually consumed by work. days are long, but they fly by. no more time to post from work. (this is actually a blessing, because boredom just plain sucks.) and at night the couch is much more alluring than another computer screen.

but as i check my personal email, there are too many work-related messages. not enough fun stuff. emails from friends make me smile, yet i’ve not found the energy to respond in any meaningful way. sunshine on flickr is nearly deserted, too.

so much is happening with all the women i used to read regularly…
::looks like cali is moving
::bri and wes are pregnant
::an accident of hope has a lovely new look (how’s that for dating my absence?)
::michelle is about launch into her 30th year
::cindy is still dishing it up
::one of my most favorite people in the world is about to get married
::and charlie has had a birthday

fortunately – weekends are generally full of good times. atlanta has always been a good place for folks to visit. thanks to my last visitors, the bike now sports some new slicks.

oddly enough, late last week i tried logging on to say hello to a few folks and maybe even post… but some temporary technical issues prevented it.

maybe blogger was just being a little passive aggressive.

needless to say, sunshine has missed you all. how are things out there?

far, far away

2006-07-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

the conflict between lebanon and israel is so physically removed from us that it’s difficult to imagine. and it stretches so far back in history that – despite thoughts on individual actions – it’s difficult to know who’s right and who is wrong.

i recently heard some first hand accounts of experiences from american evacuees and people with loved ones in lebanon. they praised the care of the american embassy and of our marines. and told stories of feeling the ground shake from bombing.

many fleeing southern lebanon to beirut are piling into cars by the dozens. some are hiring taxis to take drive them those two hours north. instead of the usual $100 for a two hour drive, they’re paying fares from $2500 to $9000 to save their own lives, and their families.

confidAntially

2006-07-17T06:50:00.000-04:00

if you’re reading this you are part of an online social network. chances are you have a blog, read other blogs or have a list of ‘friends’ on myspace or linkedin. despite all of this connectivity, according to american sociological review research, we have fewer ‘confidants’ today than we did a decade ago. The survey calls a confidant someone with whom we discuss important matter. funny, considering the massive number of bloggies writing about their intimate relationships, attempts to get pregnant, dating issues, etc.

after considering my own statistic, i wonder how the questions were asked. was there an option for counting a “percentage” of certain people? those with whom one might discuss some important matters but not others? or those who are trusted implicitly, but aren’t regularly consulted simply because of time and distance? a pew research study gets to this “with a notably big figure for what it termed “core ties”: a median number of 15 people with whom respondents said they had discussed important matters, with whom they were in frequent touch or from whom they got substantial help.”

i also believe that some who share intimate aspects of their life online, don’t necessarily share the same information with many of their real world connections. as though despite the fact that we have pictures and geographical locations to identify us, the virtual spectrum still offers this veil of anonymity that makes us more comfortable saying and sharing things than when we’re face to face.

how do you define friend and confidant? how much are you willing to share online? and how does this differ from real world sharing?

what's up, slut?

2006-07-14T07:20:00.000-04:00

this sentence – “a promiscuous single man is lauded for being a player or a stud, but a woman who sleeps around rarely is.” – seems like one that should be from an article written in the 50s. but it was front and center yesterday on nytimes.com. the article discusses the now popular use of the word slut – it’s thrown around the same way southern women throw around ‘sugar’, ‘sweetheart’ and ‘honey’. yet, the article contends that the male/female sex double standard still holds. (it also explores the dichotomy between the popularization of young girls dressing in sexually explicit ways modeling while being expected to refrain from participating in sexual activity.)

the slut concept is interesting. it seems like an irrelevant term in my own circles – how much and with how many isn’t so important, unless someone is hurting others or herself. i suspect the same holds true for the boys i know (two of whom i know would prefer to discuss their poop habits, but i’m sure they talk about sex too) on the other hand, i know girls who live by the one hand rule – as in you’d better be able to count the number of people you’ve slept with on one hand and the last of the five better be the one you marry.

the collective at wikipedia has a definition for slut, not including parameters. do you think in terms of slut or not? by what definition?

greed

2006-07-12T07:00:00.000-04:00

greed,
originally uploaded by sunshineandbeyond.

this sign is on a little church in cabbagetown (atlanta). it reads:

the church must fight greed. please cut back on buying gasoline.

just passing the message along.

palindromes, acronyms, and the telephone game

2006-07-06T21:31:00.000-04:00

the other day, while enjoying a meal with friends, i turned to one and said, ‘hey, can you hand me a napkin?’ well, someone thought i said, ‘hey, teach me a new acronym.’ thus the game began. (dorky, anyone?)

then we got to talking about funny types of words. like palindromes – the name hannah is a palindrome. and anagrams – those are tough. and onomatopoeias – a word that really ought to be what it defines, but it certainly isn’t. i guess that would be hard.

well as it turns out, it was fun, though short lived. let’s see what we come up with here.

teach me a new acronym? it can be one that’s really used or one you make up.

the right to give birth

2006-07-05T22:44:00.000-04:00

an article in the current issue of mothers jones explores the question: is there is a right to reproductive assistance?* the anecdotes include a clinic that refuses to perform ivf for a lesbian couple because its physicians are morally opposed. and another, actually most clinics according to the article, refuse services for couples with factors that make successful insemination less likely – success lures new ‘customers’; failure is bad for business.

at opposite ends of the spectrum: conception is an accident for some; for others it requires painstaking preparation, loads of cash and years of trying.

the idea that clinics can view the process as pure capitalism is disturbing. at the same time, is it not also a natural product of a free enterprise society?

legal, moral, financial and ethical grey areas make reproductive rights, feasibly, the most daunting issue of the day. should a married woman and man who are infertile be entitled to assistance, but a not partnered same-sex couple? should a young, healthy woman be given preference for reproductive treatment over an unhealthy or older (define that) woman? should a line be drawn (and where)? and who should be responsible to pay?

*full disclosure: i’ve only read about a third of the article, so far.

patriotism

2006-07-04T22:48:00.000-04:00

i bought this t-shirt years ago at a school of the americas protest. it seemed the right thing to wear this fourth of july, but for a blazing hot day in atlanta, it needed a little work.

there are many things i dislike about american society: we’re materialistic; we have a keen sense of entitlement, often at the detriment of others; we’re allowing our freedoms to be stripped away in the name of security and at the hands of the moral majority; and we’re widely apathetic.

at the same time, i appreciate the foundational threads of our country: individual rights; justice; freedom to live our lives as we wish; unprejudiced opportunity. and i have a deep appreciation for those who dedicate themselves to preserving that foundation.

do you consider yourself patriotic?

um ...

2006-06-29T19:42:00.000-04:00

one of the kitchen cabinets here smells like weed. seriously. i keep sticking my nose in there thinking -- surely i'm wrong. but no, it really does smell like weed.

anyone know how to get rid of it?

happy friday.

killing a killer

2006-06-27T22:27:00.000-04:00

it seems like just yesterday that the authorities captured the railroad killer. he is connected with at least 15 murders; tonight he was the one murdered - by the government.

okay, so i’m a bit of a moderate with a liberal slant. there are so many problems with the judicial system that it’s often difficult to know if the right person has been incarcerated – or if incarceration is really a good answer -- much less if the right person is being sentenced to death – or if a death penalty is even something we should be so righteous to impose.

it’s cases like these that offer support for a penal system that includes a death penalty. at the same time, it just seems so barbaric.

anyone feeling up to chiming in on the issue?

beware of bird

2006-06-26T20:43:00.000-04:00

for whatever reason, i was raised with a sort of reverence for mockingbirds – perhaps it was the book. we always took note when the ‘family bird’ returned to the yard each year. the parents always taught me that mockingbirds fiercely protect their territory. i always thought it was just a tale…

atticus may have said that mockingbirds do nothing but 'sing their heart out for us,' but it is in fact true that they are valiant protectors of their space. the pup and i took a couple of long walks around the neighborhood this weekend. both times, we found ourselves at an intersection that was clearly marked territory for a local mockingbird. on two separate occasions, at the same intersection, the resident mockingbird swoop toward us repeatedly. i had to waive my arms wildly to shoo her away. fortunately, she must not have felt too threatened, because she backed off without actually planting her beak in my head.

whew.

oh to be connected…

2006-06-22T18:33:00.000-04:00

i arrived to my new home sunday evening. my things do not arrive until tomorrow. sleeping on a blow up mattress and having only a beach chair for sitting hasn’t really been so bad. oh but no access to blogger, flickr, yahoo email … that was tough. sad isn’t it?

***
you know, media is my business so i’ve always paid some modicum of attention to the doings of the press. most reporters i know are intelligent, ethical folks. nonetheless, i find the news we get – in broad terms – is disappointing. this week offered a great take-it-with-a-grain-of-salt lesson.

we worked with a major newspaper on a story this week. for the most part it was great, and we were thrilled with the results. but there were a couple of minor details that weren’t entirely correct. well, the story spread through smaller outlets like wildfire – 99% of the additional stories were written purely from the original article, without ever contacting a first hand source, and most of them focused right in on the details that weren’t entirely contextually correct.

where do you find news you trust?

there are no palm trees in atlanta

2006-06-15T19:53:00.000-04:00

ghetto fabulous,
originally uploaded by sunshineandbeyond.

but there are fireflies. and this makes me very happy.

i signed a lease today. this, too, offers a little more comfort.

long good-byes

2006-06-12T08:46:00.000-04:00

someone asked why my posts have been so sparse… with the move, i’m too busy to research and put together a remotely intelligent statement on anything. i’ve sat down several times to write, only to realize that the only things i have to say are far more personal than sunshine generally is.

i’ve spent the past couple of weeks in a good-bye haze – gathering my belongings and preparing to move them to a new town; squeezing in as much time as i can with those i will no longer see regularly. there are people i simply can’t get enough of – even when we see each other every day. there are those i haven’t seen at all, or not nearly enough. and some who feel more like friends now, than before i said i was leaving. we’ve had the kind of moments that only come about under the pressure of needing to say things now, before the distance sets in. those last grasps at history in hopes of solidifying a future.

tomorrow, i fly to georgia to find a place to live. start a new job at the end of the week. return to fla to be with the movers while they load my things. and head off to my new home on sunday.

talking to strangers

2006-06-02T11:54:00.000-04:00

sometimes we go out into the world and don’t speak to anyone we don’t already know. other times we end up learning a stranger’s life story.

last night was one of those “other” nights. while out with a few friends, a guy gave us a tour of the tattoos covering his back and shoulders. they told the story of how he lost his wife, mother and daughter in an instant, when he and his family were hit by a drunk driver. the driver was his neighbor.

how’s that for a heavy night at the bar?

as if that weren’t enough, he and i started talking and like an unsolicited palm reader, this stranger told me who i am and what i’m about … with (mostly) uncanny accuracy. he said some things i thought only i knew about myself, and other things not even my closest friends verbalize. after what seemed like an eternity, i finally had to find an excuse to break away from this very intense conversation. at the time, i was floored.

clearly, being floored was beer induced. when i woke this morning my first thought was: wtf?! where does this guy get off thinking he knows me and having the unabated audacity to read me my life.

in the end, he happened to catch me at a very emotional stage in my journey. the fact of the matter is, the guy was interesting and made me think – about his loss, about love, and about life in general. i guess that’s not such a terrible experience with a perfect stranger.

what’s your best meeting a stranger story?

gas rage? are they serious?

2006-05-31T15:33:00.000-04:00

apparently a lot of drivers are making gas station attendants the focal point of their anger over high gas prices. people are filling up and not paying, and yelling at the cashiers. talk about misdirected. but i guess it’s easier to yell at the guy behind the counter than it is to, i don’t know say -- buy a more efficient car. ride a bike. ask the president and our congressional representatives to stop throwing around phrases like ‘addicted to oil’ and start putting real money into alternative energy development.

the quiet

2006-05-30T12:15:00.000-04:00

once again, sunshine has been dreadfully neglected over the past week or so. the real world has been a real attention fiend: last week i was in dallas for a business trip. during that time i accepted an offer for a new job and resigned my current position. this weekend my best friend and her partner had a beautiful commitment ceremony. in the next three weeks i’ll be moving to a different state. and through all of it, i've been without a camera.

hopefully, i’ll find a battery charger and some interesting things to write about during all of the transition.

how are you?

say it out loud: b-l-o-g

2006-05-18T16:13:00.000-04:00

so i started this post in the comments at an accident of hope, but now it’s got me thinking…

trista says “… I say the word "Blog" aloud, and I do, all the time around me it's "blog, blog, blog",”

i am entirely the opposite.

unless i’m having a philosophical, work-related discussion about the impact of the blogosphere (eesh, that word is even worse) on the media and on the practice of public relations (holy dorkishess), for some reason i'm completely overcome by this teenage-type embarassment every time the word ‘blog’ escapes my vocal chords. i have awkwardly gone out of my way to avoid saying ‘blog’. or, prayed that the heat i feel rising to my cheeks when i utter ‘blog’ isn’t visible to those around me. sometimes, in the midst of a conversation, my friends will look at me and say: oh, that’s going to be a blog. and i am awash with shyness. i love amy and ramer’s “i’m blogging this” shirts (because well shouldn't people be warned?). but i’d sooner wear a ‘w for president shirt’. well, okay, truly there’s no way in hell i’d be that embarrassed about ‘blog’, but you get the point.

i have a friend who looks at sunshine somewhat regularly. but he never ever posts comments. instead, he occasionally pulls up the blog while we’re on the phone, so he can comment as we’re talking. i whenever it happens i have this unexplained, negative, visceral response.

do you say ‘blog’ a lot in non-virtual conversation? do you talk about your blog when you’re offline? is it abnormal that i think there is - and should be - this clear separation between bloggersation and conversation?

that was a bit of a rant, wasn’t it… and i didn’t even touching on the verbing of “myspace” (as in, hey, myspace me sometime and we’ll get together.)

one night love affair

2006-05-17T10:50:00.000-04:00

more than a few of my friends and acquaintances have commented that they have had or have a longish-term relationship that they initially thought would only be a one night stand. i have to say the same is true for myself. over at unwellness, bri mentions that her partner thought the same.

*most* of the people i know who’ve said something like this are lesbians… hence the uhaul joke, i suppose.

despite the fact that i’ve never had a one night stand, i think when i made this assumption it was based mostly on what was going on in my life at the time and the geographical location of the person involved. a relationship didn’t seem entirely logical. but, alas, that’s precisely what it became. there was a connection that was simply unavoidable.

as i’m inclined to think that a pattern is something more than coincidence, i’m curious: anyone have an experience you'd be willing to share? a one night stand and/or relationship that was expected to be just a fun-filled evening? is the assumption of a one nighter a self-preservation mechanism? after all, rejection is a lot easier to take when that’s all there is at stake. or is it something else…

big brother built a better wall

2006-05-16T07:26:00.000-04:00

working in a corporate environment always comes with the knowledge that one day, one's connection to the interactive, friendly corners of the internet could be cut off during work hours. it happened to me last week.

flickr access:: denied
blogger access:: hindered
myspace:: always has been blocked, a blessing really
so far there is still yahoo email. i have a hopeful suspicion that this is temporary -- the result of some spam blocker gone awry. but, who knows what else has been usurped from my work day mental breaks.

the thing is... i know there are people who would say i shouldn't be playing on flickr and reading/writing blog posts on work time, anyway. but i just can't help but blame the jerks who spend work time and work assets to do things like download porn.

gah.

toe cramps, sport drinks and miles of florida flatland

2006-05-10T10:25:00.000-04:00

the florida ms150 bike tour starts off in kendall (basically the super south side of miami) and winds through farmland in homestead and florida city until the tip of the peninsula, where the bike route moves onto us1 and card sound road, ending at john pennecamp state park. it’s about 65 miles of flat, rather monotonous land that’s pretty in its own way – until the sun heats it to a scorching degree. at the south tip of the florida peninsula, the scenery changes a bit with mangroves on either side of a still shadeless road.

2000 riders struck out starting just after 7:30am saturday. around 31 miles it seems that many of us hit tired and frustrated. but we pressed on and got our second and third winds thanks to multiple rest stops serving cold drinks along the way. it was noon when the first of our group reached the lunch spot (at 50 miles, i think). ridiculously salty pasta has never tasted so good.

crossing the finish line at pennecamp was exhilarating… and it didn’t hurt to have a welcoming committee armed with a cooler of cold beer.

what a great way to raise money for a worthy cause. lots of pics on this one.

because you're the best ...

2006-05-05T15:25:00.000-04:00

a little too consumed with work and (like kendra) gearing up for the big ride tomorrow to write anything intelligible, but ... i can't explain how excited i am that i made my fundraising goal.

thanks to mom & dad, my two brothers (and their families), snake, tony, cocoa, and kristy...

if i could give you all a gigantic hug and kiss right now i would! thank you. thank you. thank you!

i'll be thinking about all of you tomorrow... particularly around 40 miles in when my lungs feel like they're going to collapse and my legs feel like mush.

(and for those who don't already know, that's amy's lovely design)

patience and virtue

2006-05-04T10:55:00.000-04:00

in my teen years, i’d tease my father that i was going to name my first-born child patience, as a constant reminder to him that patience is a virtue. perhaps not surprising, in his retirement years he’s developed greater time-related serenity. should i ever have a child, i suppose this will be to her/his benefit – a name like that would just be pure torture.

i, on the other hand, now often wonder if patience isn’t only useful when one is waiting for water to boil. maybe it’s less virtuous and more a useless way of prolonging well-deserved action or even simple satisfaction. waiting …

::my boss left the company months ago. since that time i’ve been patiently doing his job – and mine – (and awaiting a decision on possible promotion) without the authority/compensation to match the responsibility/pressure.

::at the end of the day, when there is but a single ounce of energy to give, it rarely goes to the perfectly diligent. rather, the final tasks tend to be the ones that will get the annoying guy to stop calling ten times a day. the annoying guy gets his stuff done, because waiting patiently for someone to return an email/call only causes one to miss a deadline.

what’s your take? and does the same apply on a personal level?

they might be old school geeks

2006-05-02T10:04:00.000-04:00

talk about a throwback. they might be giants played in ft. lauderdale last night. the venue is one that has been in town for years. as i stood on the mezzanine level watching the guys play, i was utterly nostalgic.

eleven or so years back, when the place was the edge – or was it the chili pepper then – i was there with the girl who would become my first girlfriend. i think we were seeing toad the wet sprocket. apparently we hadn’t fully had the revelation at that point, because as we downed a six pack of zima (don’t laugh, you know you drank them at least once with jolly ranchers) we made a bet about who would be able to kiss a random boy first. ridiculous, right? but for some reason fun at the time. i’ll blame it on alcohol-influenced youth.

the show also made me think of close friends who i do not see often enough and who were were with me in tallahassee the first time i saw tmbg live.

i love live music – particularly when the crowd is large – because i don’t know of anything else that makes so many strangers so happy at the same time and in each other’s presence. the crowd at tmbg was one of the best i’ve ever been in. everyone was smiling and happy … it’s otherwise unheard of, really: lots of strangers smiling. in general and at each other. and i don’t mean happy in that pumping fist in the air ‘yeah man that band f*ing rocked’ sort of way. it was more of a shared knowing smile that said, ‘wow, these guys are crazy witty, and damn good musicians.’

i bet they were the biggest geeks in high school.

a silver lining?

2006-05-01T09:06:00.000-04:00

with even a glimpse of this weekend’s news, it seems protests abound -

: hundreds of thousands gathered in nyc to voice opposition to the war in iraq. tom engelhardt’s mother jones commentary provides a good report on the motley group who attended this demonstration – from grandmothers to radical cheerleaders
: throngs gathered on the mall in dc calling for action to end the genocide in darfur
:immigrants are called to boycott the economic machine to show their force in our country and promote legalization

thinking back on demonstrations i attended in the past, i have mixed emotions. on one hand there, is great pride that comes with being part of a gathering calling for positive action and a hope from someone powerful – even if that means a greater number of americans – to take notice and take action. on the other hand, (please excuse the blasphemy) low media exposure and a common sea of faces sometimes made the gatherings feel more like well-intentioned (but essentially useless) street parties.

but even as an armchair cheerleader for the current wave of demonstrations, i’m confronted with a new hope that people are actually starting to take notice of growing injustices. these protests are receiving better media exposure and seem to be getting notice – and some participation – from politicians.

is it too much to hope for that, despite the destruction caused by the current administration, there may be a silver lining in the form of greater public interest and action?

brief hiatus

2006-04-25T07:00:00.000-04:00

happy tuesday.

sunshine and beyond is taking the week off. i hope all (two) of you will come back next week.

and: happy birthday to my favorite boy in chicago.

good eats

2006-04-21T14:27:00.000-04:00

now THAT's eating.

well, i'm not cool enough to be part of the photo friday pool, but this i couldn't resist.

friends invited me to dinner the other night. it was spectacular -- a delicious four - wait five! - course meal served on china.

fancy has never been so comfortable.

shortest political quiz

2006-04-19T08:40:00.000-04:00

this is fun ... where do you stand on the political spectrum?

results say i'm a centrist. hm.

CENTRISTS espouse a "middle ground" regarding government control of the economy and personal behavior. Depending on the issue, they sometimes favor government intervention and sometimes support individual freedom of choice. Centrists pride themselves on keeping an open mind, tend to oppose "political extremes," and emphasize what they describe as "practical" solutions to problems.

via my favorite boy in chicago.

a woman first

2006-04-18T09:17:00.000-04:00

from npr to cnn, every report of the recent allegations against duke’s lacrosse team describes them as “charges of raping and kidnapping a stripper.”

giving the media the benefit of the doubt, this may be a simple case of following the journalistic rule of the inverted pyramid, and an effort to cram as much information into as few words as possible for an opening graph. unfortunately, in the process this person’s entire identity has been relegated to “stripper”. it’s a word that, for most, invokes opinions about character, particularly when it comes to consensual sex. and it pits her against a more pristine image of the academic elite.

i do not subscribe to language theories that go so far as to seek to alter words like ‘history’ to ‘herstory’. but some care should be taken with semantics, particularly when something as serious as rape charges are at stake. one should not automatically assume the lacrosse team is guilty. at the same time, responsibility must be taken to not discredit the accusations by ignoring the simple fact that the accuser is, above all else, a person… a woman.

playing with the boys

2006-04-17T09:17:00.000-04:00

last week i found myself on a stage with the company ceo, a couple of other execs, a mayor, and a u.s. congressperson. the industry in which i work is traditionally very “boys’ club”. and, i was the only female among this group, as we sat in front of a small audience (200 or so) in a very southern state.

i was on stage with these gentleman, because some (male) co-workers decided that making a 30-year-old female the mc would not only add a smidgen of diversity, but would also make a small statement about where the company is headed.

i find it incredibly unfortunate that there weren’t more girls at the front of the room. but, i take pride in working with people who see the importance of not only making the company and it’s policies more egalitarian, but also understand the impressions that can be made in small, deliberate doses.

canine factory

2006-04-11T08:43:00.000-04:00

there are some things i like not knowing. there are so many disturbing acts in the world that, as much as i dislike apathy, i know i have this determined ignorance about certain issues. so here’s the latest bubble buster– people really think it’s okay to manufacture dogs?

unless otherwise specified, dogs sold at a pet store probably come from a commercial breeding facility. puppy mills overuse (abuse) breeders canines and “house dogs in overcrowded and often unsanitary conditions, without adequate veterinary care, food, water and socialization.” and often, customers go home with a very sick pet.

there are plenty of puppies without a home available at places like the humane society… and if you have you’re mind set on a pure-bred pup, there are responsible breeders.

frappr friday

2006-04-07T09:54:00.000-04:00

because i'm not embarrassed to admit that i like a little attention ... i'm jumping on the amy and trista frappr bandwagon.

even if you never comment, why not at least let us know you're around. "they" already know anyway.

you can't retell this*

2006-04-03T10:38:00.000-04:00

you can't retell this,
originally uploaded by sunshineandbeyond.

dinner in ybor city saturday night was undoubtedly one of the funniest experiences ever. everything was in slow motion. and the food was, well … interesting. (see photo notes) unfortunately, not shown here is the sludge they passed off on kendra as stew.

*original statement by michelle.

the good body

2006-03-30T14:41:00.000-05:00

this week, i had the honor of seeing, for the third time, eve ensler perform. she is a phenomenal actor and admirable activist.

ensler's newer work, the good body, is a poignant monologue that explores women’s views of their own bodies. like the vagina monologues, the good body is a collage of stories from women from around the globe, whom ensler has interviewed.

in one conversation, ensler is in afghanistan where a woman invites her for an ice cream outing. this simple pleasure, under taliban rule, is a criminal act. and, they find themselves in the back of a building, shrouded by a curtain, defiantly indulging.

in america, women hide eating for fear of being labeled fat. or for being judged for eating ‘something we shouldn’t’. in afghanistan, women hide eating ice cream for fear of physical punishment or even death.

there aren’t many dates left in this tour. if the good body is near you, go see it. and, if you haven't seen the vagina monologues ... or rent it.

head on a plate

2006-03-28T20:06:00.000-05:00

what is it with delis putting boar heads on the walls? ok, so it's a good brand of meat. but is there something about a dead animal's head on the wall that makes customers look at that shrink-wrapped hunk of processed meat and think, 'wow, that's fresh! gotta have it.'

do people sit there, eating their ham sandwich and look up at the pig on the wall and think, 'thanks, buddy!'

this presents an interesting dilemma

2006-03-27T21:28:00.000-05:00

the latest proof we vote with our dollars: wal-mart’s move to stock “greener” items in their store “from organic cotton baby clothes to ocean fish caught in ways that don't harm the environment” is a huge windfall for organic and environmentally friendly companies.

wal-mart, like no other company, has buying power that changes the business practices of its suppliers. “[a consultant] said Wal-Mart could bring the same pressure it has exerted over the years on prices and apply that to pushing manufacturers and competitors to adopt more sustainable business practices and larger organic offerings.” when it comes to things like forcing their fish suppliers to maintain sustainable practices, this new policy could have substantial, positive impact.

of course, the skeptic in me says wal-mart also has the buying and lobbying power to alter truly green practices into a meager facade of what were originally. and buying organic doesn’t change accusations of the company’s mistreatment of women, the ways it rips up small town economies and other transgressions.

what they don't know can't affect them

2006-03-27T20:58:00.000-05:00

a colleague at work, who is going through a difficult divorce, recently declared that she’ll never marrying again. she’ll simply live with her next boyfriend. that’s great, i said, but what happens when the one you wouldn’t marry ends up being your partner for life? what about rights to health decisions and family-level visitation in the hospital or sharing health care benefits …?

she asked what gay people do. i explained as much as i know about legal ways to establish power of attorney, etc to try to establish same of the same rights. but there are things like raising a child together – and knowing that, in many states, if something happens to the bio mom, it could be a hefty battle to keep one’s own child.

these were intelligent people. one a lawyer. and they had NO idea. it’s not the first time i’ve had conversations like this with straight friends. they simply never put enough thought into same-sex relationships (why would they?) to grasp the fact that our rights are not the same as theirs. and yes, it does have an impact. the ones who do know are the ones who are making it their business to write us out of our rights, if they can.

there are plenty of issues i simply hold my tongue about, particularly at work. but at some point, if we don’t stop assuming and start talking, we’re sealing our own fate. if the people who are on our side don’t realize that there is even an issue, we can’t expect them to help -- to even vote our way if and when the time comes.

still cringing

2006-03-24T10:32:00.000-05:00

when i woke this morning i immediately surveyed my mouth for missing teeth. i had one of those dreams that was so vivid, it could have been real: my front right tooth was cracking and falling out and i was mortified. it. just. kept. chipping. away.

the dream doctor (yep, the dream doctor) has a few interesting things to say about this kind of dream. what was your realest nighttime dream?

gluttony: final chapter

2006-03-23T11:33:00.000-05:00

a little warning up front: today’s post is a little strange, but it’s what i’ve got, and i’ve neglected the sunshine this week, so here goes…

this whole idea of indulgence in spite of known consequences is so broadly applicable. the thing is, the same way my dog gorges herself on cat poop, and i occasionally drink too much, regardless of the fact that we know vomit and general sickness will certainly follow, there is a much more poignant, and socially encouraged, form of gluttony.

we hunt time and time again for love, despite the knowledge that statistics are against us. we indulge ourselves in the excesses of love – the high, i’m convinced, is the best there is. but we know from experience that, at some point, the hangover is inevitable. it’s also sure, that we will indulge again.

dining

2006-03-21T07:46:00.000-05:00

it happens often when i dine out of town and alone: my eyes are too big for my stomach (actually portions are just too darn big), and i’m left there with enough food for an entire meal.

last night i ordered veggie chili and fries at this little dive bar in dc. about five fries into the basket i was stuffed and feeling guilty telling the server, no i didn’t want to take them with me. she put them in a box anyway and said she knew a lot of homeless people who’d enjoy them. fantastic!

too bad health codes and insurance worries keep restaurants from doing this on a more organized level.

it’s not just the drinking…

2006-03-17T10:55:00.000-05:00

tomorrow i’m headed to animal kingdom with my folks. sure, they have animals there. but they also have rides. i love roller coasters and when given the opportunity i always ride them. and without fail, by the second or third ride, i throw up.

it’s a little like eating cat poop, i suppose. should i have learned my lesson about roller coasters by now, too?

there’s been a lot of talk of poop here in the past week, hasn’t there? i’ll try to be less shitty next week. but no promises.

first there’s romance, then come boogers and other things

2006-03-15T11:10:00.000-05:00

apparently feeling a little like a 12-year-old boy today, i’m commandeering a booger conversation that started over at wander on monday. check the comments and you’ll see that last night it got personal.

the first year into my relationship, we kept all the ugly bodily functions hidden. in our case it was fairly easy because we only saw each other on weekends. but isn’t it this way for everyone?

later on the truth started to eek out. the first was a confession: she always stopped at a fast food joint on the way home because a: i didn’t feed her enough over the weekend; and b: she wouldn’t use the bathroom at my house. (seeing as she’s shared this with so many people herself, i’m clearly hoping she doesn’t get a sudden case of shyness today.) so we decided that on every first date, each person should just go ahead and admit that they poop. and that yes, sometimes it stinks.

in addition to “i poop” what other first date confessions should be standard protocol, just to get it out of the way? clearly any strange nose issues and related habits, but what else? and how would you answer the questions yourself?

because it’s already gone too far

2006-03-14T11:07:00.000-05:00

on npr this morning i heard that some scientists discovered this crazy version of a lobster. “it's sufficiently distinct that scientists created a whole new family for it...”

the host went on to talk about how taxonomists tend to lament the fact that they’re under funded, yet they missed a golden opportunity to offer this newly discovered crustacean as a marketing opportunity. the golden palace monkey raked in $650k from its namesake.

so i was thinking: kids can be pretty expensive …

but don’t get too excited, a lot of the best ones are already used gratis.

gluttony

2006-03-13T09:38:00.000-05:00

there has been a nice weekend pattern at home lately. biking in the mornings. days at the beach. sunday grocery shopping, dinner and a movie at home, and quality time with the pet farm (our dogs and cats).

so, when i suggested the titlefirst #6 'glutton for punishment’ it was truly meant as an effort to revive amy’s fantastic little game. i did *not* intend it to be the theme for the weekend. a ridiculously ‘successful’ friday happy-hour-turned-bar-closer lead to a painfully unproductive saturday, followed by a rather ruckus saturday evening. nonetheless, after softball on sunday i had a hankerin’ for some social interaction, so we headed back to the local watering hole for 'just a couple of drinks'.

it’s like this: every time my dog vomits after eating something she shouldn’t ingest, i’m baffled. you’d think that eventually she’d learn that, despite the fact that her demented little taste buds might like the taste of cat poop, her belly does not and it is going to cause her to wretch.

sometimes it's the little things

2006-03-09T23:27:00.000-05:00

my company recently re-issued its policy against offensive material on company property, computers, etc. the reiterated policy included the following:

“policy violation” shall mean to have … any files … that are morally offensive and/or … negative comments about age, religion, race, gender or disability.

which prompted me to send a little note to the policy writers: under the definition of "policy violation," sexual orientation should be included in the list with "age, religion, race, gender or disability".

i was pleasantly surprise with the simplicity of the response: you're absolutely right. thanks for the reminder.

and so it was changed.

happy friday.

communal living

2006-03-09T07:40:00.000-05:00

this is the kind of lifestyle i romanticized in college. today i prefer my quietly chaotic home.

"Though our daily activities are a lot closer to the Waltons than to the Weather Underground, we keep "In Case of Police Raid" instructions posted by our front and back doors. It is a reminder that houses like ours in other towns do get raided."

read the whole article.

even when it's not in your state

2006-03-06T19:30:00.000-05:00

it's hard enough to get people motivated enough to vote in national elections once every four years, much less care at all about state politics.

but south dakota's new legislation making abortion a crime is just a stepping stone in what is likely a strategically-coordinated attempt for eventually overturning roe vs. wade. it's a prime example of why we need to be talking to each other, to the media and to our politicians at all levels.

navigating the everglades

2006-03-06T11:06:00.000-05:00

the florida everglades play such an important role in our eco-system – water-supply, flood protection, etc. – that it’s hard not to appreciate and admire the expansive marsh and grass that flows into the world’s second largest mangrove forest. it’s sad that half of the glades has been lost to development.

this weekend i introduced a chicago friend to the river of grass, alligators, and airboats. it’s a view of florida everyone should get at least once, even if we don’t always agree with how the locals make friends with the wildlife.

fascinating or frightening

2006-03-03T10:06:00.000-05:00

i really just don't know what to think about this. but i'm thinking it doesn't do much to help 'the cause'.

where is the uprising?

2006-03-02T10:44:00.000-05:00

ap has published a report that is surprisingly unsurprising. nonetheless, it makes me feel ill:

On the eve of Hurricane Katrina's fateful landfall, President Bush was confident. His homeland security chief appeared relaxed. And warnings of the coming destruction — breached or overrun levees, deaths at the New Orleans Superdome and overwhelming needs for post-storm rescues — were delivered in dramatic terms to all involved. All of it was captured on videotape. …

The president didn't ask a single question during the briefing but assured soon-to-be-battered state officials: "We are fully prepared." …

The footage — along with seven days of transcripts of briefings obtained by AP — show in excruciating detail that while federal officials anticipated the tragedy that unfolded in New Orleans and elsewhere along the Gulf Coast, they were fatally slow to realize they had not mustered enough resources to deal with the unprecedented disaster.

the article paints a frightening picture. but it’s worth reading through.

moveon is calling on us to take action. the thing is, the american public has also been warned – ”in dramatic and sometimes agonizing terms” – about the (at best) abject negligence and (at worst) violent dishonesty of the current administration. this is just another item in a long list of transgressions.

at what point will there be a more palpable backlash? what will it take?

body conscious despite myself

2006-02-28T10:51:00.000-05:00

in high school i was well, overweight. it was embarrassing and impactful to the point that i have vivid memories of my skinny girl friend’s telling me that the boys said i’d be pretty someday. (at the time, yes i was interested in what the boys thought.)

several years later (and several years ago), i was buying a bra when a salesperson offered to measure me to make sure i was buying the right size. i’d lost much of the weight so it seemed like a good idea. that is, until i was informed that my ‘c’ cup was actually a ‘b’. i laughed it off with friends, but it had a definite impact on my self image.

after another more recent bra measurement, i was informed that i’ve lost another cup size. (seriously, next time they’re going to try to put me in a training bra) so the weight discussion has taken a different turn and i’m on this quest to gain weight in a healthy way. it’s not even noon. i’ve consumed a ridiculous number of calories and at least 34 grams of fat in the form of pistachio nuts and whole milk yogurt. and i’m already feeling like a giant tub of lard despite the fact that apparently i’m supposed to consume 62 grams in a single day.

the truth about the bra size is that they wanted to put me in a contraption that created unnatural cleavage elevated to just below my chin. i did not buy the smaller size. but i did buy a push-up and the whole experience has re-ignited my anger at how much our self-image is bombarded with ridiculous commercially-designed ideals.

i know many brilliant women – most of whom are feminists even if they choose not to use the word – and still we waste a hell of a lot of useful mind space and conversation worrying about weight and carbs and fats and the latest health reports when really no one knows the right answers.

it's a sad waste of a lot of amazing energy.

help for the fashionably ignorant

2006-02-27T08:20:00.000-05:00

i recently needed the advice of one of my girliest girl friends. apparently it was a near miss with the fashion police. thank goodness someone keeps up with this stuff.

me: so, if i bought a teal and white dress, do i have to get white shoes?
friend: no. silver, gold or tan/camel.
me: wow. and i thought buying white shoes would be bad.
friend: it would have.

friday frivolity

2006-02-24T07:55:00.000-05:00

“but what you do [on your blog] is different … myspace is just place to say things like, oh you look totally hot.”

this is part of an ongoing conversation with a friend who likes to chide me about my disdain for myspace. and it precisely defines why i have this love/hate thing. but as amy points out it’s what the kids are doing. i caved in earlier this year and got my[own]space. but no, i’m not posting more pictures on myspace. i prefer flickr thank you very much. and, this page is enough to satisfy my narcissistic idea that someone might actually be interested in the random things i write about. but the truth is- i check myspace every day.

here’s where it’s truly fun: you can peek into the lives of people from your past for a satisfying dose of nostalgia without that awkward, standing in the grocery store aisle wondering what the hell to say to this person moment.

so for a little friday fun, log into that evil little corner of the internet. see who you can dig up. let us know what you find.

kings, queens, and in betweens

2006-02-22T09:29:00.000-05:00

boys rockin the stage,
originally uploaded by sunshineandbeyond.

drag queen shows these days have really surpassed the rest of the homosexual community with their leap into the mainstream. stuffing a bill into the cleavage of a dancing queen is nearly as commonplace during a night on the town as ordering a vodka tonic.

the drama kings were recently in town. i love a drag show. queens, kings, in-betweens - doesn’t matter. it’s the kind of event where people are invited to throw off most of their usual inhibitions and just have a good time.

yet when a biological female straps her breasts down, throws on a cowboy hat and hard packs her wranglers for a lip sync performance of honky tonk badonkadonk the discomfort – particularly among lesbians and not because that song is a complete embarrassment – is rampant. there were comments like (yes, i’m picking on a couple of people here. sorry.): ‘i’m a little freaked out.’ and, ‘why did they have to show us their strap-ons?!’

so, what’s the big deal, here?

the earth is groaning

2006-02-21T08:55:00.000-05:00

recently overheard at the local laundromat --

“girl, the earth is groaning. it is gr-oaning from sin. and that sin stinks. i tell you it sTiNkS in the nose of the lord … girlfriend beLIEVE me. sometimes god … he let’s terrible things happen to people. but you know – it makes the s-NAP back in line and pay attention to what the good lord is tryin’ to tell them. i tell you somethin’ girlfriend – he. will. change. your. life.”

now, i mean no offense to any christian, but no wOnDeR so many of us have serious doubts about the religion when there are people like this preaching their own version of the gospel at the laundromat.

can’t a girl just wash her panties in peace? isn’t it torture enough that they insist on playing jerry springer on the store television?

so how are those resolutions coming?

2006-02-17T12:22:00.000-05:00

we’re 48 days into 2006… any progress on those 2006 goals?

aside from being a pretty decent tourist and doing a small amount of biking, mine are officially kaput. not to worry … there’s still time.

reconfirming my disinclination toward going to the doctor

2006-02-16T15:26:00.000-05:00

after waking to the MoSt HoRriFiC stabbing pain in my gut (accompanied by some other rather disgusting symptoms) and enduring what seemed like abject hell for several hours, i succumbed to the suggestion of going to a doctor. fortunately, at least my girlfriend was going with me.

since i don’t have on of my own, i had the pleasure of visiting a walk-in. after the usual history/current symptoms questions, doc asked me to lie back. he then pressed his pointy little fingers into my abdomen to the point he probably felt my spine.

“does this hurt?”
“um … yyyes.” [doesn’t is aLwAys hurt when someone digs into your gut?]
“how about when i let go?” [quick withdrawl makes belly jiggle like jello on a washing machine]
“no so much.”

so, doc sends me to a nearby emergency room for some bloodwork just to make sure it’s not appendicitis. after hours in the waiting room, i find myself wearing my first ever hospital gown, having four viles of blood drawn and enduring a first iv (which, of course, is harder to insert when one is dehydrated). the result: chances are (4:5 the doc said) my appendix is fine.

all that for a little gas … er, stomach flu.

confession of a converted diehard

2006-02-14T10:17:00.000-05:00

well i don’t know about oysters as an aphrodisiac, but having been introduced to the half shell in the north part of florida, i’ve always been a gulf oyster purist – if it wasn’t from apalachicola or new orleans, i didn’t want it.

last night at mccormick & schmick’s in dc … i. changed. my. mind. there were a dozen oyster varieties. not one from florida.

with not a saltine in sight, i tasted my way through a platter of six raw oysters with the vigilance of a wine connoisseur at a tasting. they were – hands down – the best oysters i have ever tasted.

a very happy heart day to all … while you’re plowing through that box of chocolates, visit hrc.org for a little loving inspiration and give them a little love, as well.

the pout parade

2006-02-13T16:09:00.000-05:00

there was a brief period of time when my girlfriend and i ran together. the distance was never long – about a mile – but it was in the hilly atlanta area and even half a mile was too much for my nonexistent endurance. a few blocks into the run, she’s turn back to check my status and i’d glare at her with looks that i imagined could pierce a thick steel wall. running. hurt. and because i couldn’t just be mad at myself for being so out of shape, i redirected my anger at her. needless to say, we didn’t run together for very long.

there is a small group of women in ft. lauderdale training for the ms ride in may (unlike others we’re grossly behind on the fundraising, but doing fairly well with training.) this weekend, our valiant team captain lead us on a 40 mile ride. i was skeptical at the start, but felt surprisingly good at the turn around point. that is until we started back, cycling into gale force winds. around mile 30, the cranky kicked. i looked at team captain and said, in no uncertain terms “i hAtE you right now.”

and i did. but when all was said and done, we all made it the full 40 miles. perhaps at a tortoise pace. but we made it nonetheless.

nature vs. nurture

2006-02-09T14:04:00.000-05:00

the debate about homosexuality as a choice or biologically determined is ongoing. but like reliving the wackiness that defined the 80s – parachute pants, jelly shoes, debbie gibson – it hasn't gotten old yet.

i recently sat through a q&a session with judy dlugacz, founder of olivia, who provided an interesting perspective – (paraphrased) she asserted that defending homosexuality as genetic, and denying it as lifestyle choice, effectively succumbs to the ridiculous terms of the debate as defined by the fundamental right.

the point is this: by denying we have a choice about whether or not to be gay and insisting that it is genetically bestowed upon us is like saying: look, i didn’t ask for this. i know it’s wrong. and if i had my way, i’d go straight.

when truth be told, genetic or not, there are plenty of great reasons i choose to be a lesbian.

so what do you say to that?

reality break

2006-02-07T10:06:00.000-05:00

i barely looked at the news while on the big boat in the caribbean. and as i watched the super bowl open sunday night, my eyes welled up at the news of corretta scott king's passing. the comedians on the boat let us know alito was confirmed. but there's simply no joke to be made about losing one of the great hearts of our world. following her husband’s legacy, king continued to be a civil rights leader – working not only against racial bias, but also speaking for gay rights.

i wonder: who will the history books list as the great u.s. civil rights leaders of the 90s and start the 21st century?

cruising with olivia

2006-02-05T14:23:00.000-05:00

traveling for a week on a cruise ship with 1800 lesbians is well … interesting::

it’s nice to hold hands or kiss and know you won’t get sneered at, spit on or pornographied;
strange to grasp how many lesbian stereotypes exists because of truths;
and humbling to realize how much others have endured to pave a smoother road for us.
it’s delightful not to feel threatened by a conversation with or compliment from a stranger.
it is absolutely entertaining to watch a room full of lesbians dancing … whether laughing at hip thrusts, or admiring old school waltzing.
it’s wonderful to be in an environment where women are free to do whatever they want; and beyond puzzling what some choose to do with that freedom.

the trip was phenomenal fun. but, it is really, so very good to be back home.

anyone else ever been on an olivia trip? what did you think?

sail away

2006-01-28T07:38:00.000-05:00

what do you get when you mix lily tomlin, ilene chaiken, endless food, and thousands of women cruising down the coast of central america?

a week of r&r, gluttony, adventure and fun on the lez boat ... see you a week from monday.

brazil adventure: day 2

2006-01-28T07:19:00.000-05:00

the next day there were just a few hours for exploring before heading back. in a small town called penha, just a few miles from paraty i visited beautiful waterfalls. people were wading in the cool water, and heading up the falls to the open air bar at the top. i made my way to the next town over, trinidade. there is one street into town that ends at what they call a natural pool – a semi-protected portion of the ocean. trinidade was a little more bohemian than parati and much smaller.

when i parked the attendant tried speaking to me. we managed enough that i understood i owed him $5 reis for parking and he understood that i can’t speak portuguese. as i walked away he called to me, saying what i imagine are the only english words he knows: i. love. you.

enchanting paraty

2006-01-26T08:54:00.000-05:00

arriving in paraty (brazil) in january with no hotel room is like trying at the last minute to find a room in key west during women’s week. so i took the first pousada i could find. it was enchanting. maybe 20 rooms. old-style keys like the ones from my grandmother’s 100+ year-old-home. and probably the farthest from the center of town, but even then it was just a short walk to the cobblestone shopping and artist district. i wandered the streets for hours watching people, looking at the beautiful architecture and many artist’s studios and shops. i had lunch along the river and watched a group of boys cooling off by jumping into the water from the bridge. the hardest part of traveling alone in brazil (aside from the language barrier) is eating. though the food is more than affordable, many dishes are served in family portions. so i ended up leaving a lot of food on the table. typical wasteful american.

small tables on the cobblestone streets started to fill up around 6pm as people returned from the beach for cocktails and dinner. while eating dinner i met wado, who was sitting outside with his friends one store over playing the guitar. i joined them for a couple of beers and found his english almost as impressive as the fact that he’d taught himself via the internet. and all the songs he played were american – from pink floyd to coldplay. as i walked back to my room the streets were packed with vendors and artists and people enjoying their saturday night.

a twist

2006-01-24T10:47:00.000-05:00

an ap story today:

"Conservative Party Wins in Canada Election
Stephen Harper and his Conservative Party won national elections Monday and ended 13 years of Liberal rule, a victory expected to move Canada rightward on social and economic issues and lead to improved ties with the United States. … The triumph for the Conservatives came with many Canadians weary of the broken promises and corruption scandals under the Liberal Party, making them willing to give Harper a chance to govern despite concerns that some of his social views are extreme.”

come election time here, wouldn’t it be great if the story read:

liberal party wins in us election
the liberal party [not sure who that will be] won national elections and ended years of neo-conservative, theocratic rule, a victory expected to move the us leftward on important social and economic issues and lead to improved ties with the world . … the triumph for all americans came with many weary of the broken promises and corruption scandals under the bush administration.”

why everyone should learn to drive a clutch

2006-01-22T19:18:00.000-05:00

when a colleague suggested i visit a small colonial beach town called paraty for the weekend i was thrilled. a four hour drive through the countryside. perfect. rent a car. good to go.

only all the cars in brazil have manual transmission; and i don’t know how to drive a clutch. (yeah, i know) luckily, hotel front desk guy helped me out and before i knew it i was renting what i believe to be the only automatic transmission this side of the amazon.

when they dropped the car at the hotel, front desk guy looks at me, eyes wide …

“it’s huge.”

“is it a van?!”

“no.”

whew.

the fiat was about the size of a honda acura.

the sad. the annoying. and the stroke of luck

2006-01-22T18:40:00.000-05:00

three times in my fairly short career life, i have let co-workers and bosses know i was moving on to another opportunity. last tuesday the tables turned when the boss man notified us he is leaving.

it’s a basic fact of life that people will come and go. but despite months of warning signs, i was unable to avoid the sinking feeling. i like the guy and his presence in the office will be missed. he is fair; and a friend. he is brilliant at his profession and has many years of experience to share. he respects our private lives; and protects us. but most notably, he’s prone to sudden, loud – and hysterical - outbursts. sometimes intelligible, sometimes just random whooping noises.

so, life will change. last year, i traveled quite a bit for work. now there is bound to be more. it started tuesday evening at 6 when i found out i had to fly to brazil the following evening. after many mishaps trying to square away a work visa at the last minute, i was off for what i thought was a two day business trip. it turned out to be six.

unexpectedly being away from home for four extra days. that was the bad news.

a nearly all-expenses paid weekend on the breathtaking brazilian coast. that, it turns out, is great news.

i have a million pictures i can't wait to share. they'll start going up wednesday.

thanks!

2006-01-19T21:28:00.000-05:00

you all made me smile which is precisely what i was hoping for ... thanks.

so i thought i mentioned this, but i'm out of blogging commission at least until monday and possibly until wednesday. i am out of the country and my moments online are few. please come back to see me :)

grimace

2006-01-18T14:08:00.000-05:00

well ... it's been one heck of a day.

and as cathartic as it would be to explain all the little annoyances of the day, i simply can’t right now.

how’s your week going?

grand theft auto

2006-01-17T11:44:00.000-05:00

my car was recently towed from my own home.

okay. so i live in an apartment complex, and no i wasn’t parked in my assigned spot. you see, the wildlife wrangler (no kidding) who’s assigned the spot next to mine isn’t capable of appropriately aligning his monstrosity between his own two lines. this left me, as it often does, with no space for my little civic to squeeze into my own spot. so i took another. *sigh*

say what you will about how this travesty could have been avoided, bottom line: i wasted 100 perfectly good dollars paying some a**holes to get my car out of jail. the whole experience just leaves a girl feeling violated.

(my apologies in advance if anyone reading has family/friends in the industry) what kind of person decides to run a towing company, anyway? it’s legalized theft. really. never mind that, working at a towing company can’t be fun. no one drives into the middle of nowhere or into the worst part of town. stands in front of a window (in this instance i couldn’t even see the guy). hands over their drivers license and car keys. shells out a wad of cash (that's a hUnDrEd FroStiEs!!). and says: thank you so much for taking my car on a little vacation.

on the other hand, it certainly could have been worse.

how far will you go for a laugh?

2006-01-12T14:51:00.000-05:00

i'd be remiss not to share (via, lauren) with you the (two) best blonde joke(s) ever.

funny. funny. stuff.

happy reading

2006-01-11T14:45:00.000-05:00

for a little chuckle check out this excerpt from w’s eavesdropping: matthew barney and bjork place an ikea phone order (thanks, kottke)

pandagon points out an all new low in the anti-gay movement – it’s amazing that these people can justify spending so much energy on preaching hate

if you think coverage of the alito hearings is getting a little mundane, head over to shakespeare’s sister for judge memento and kennedy and specter go ape

hollabacknyc invites you to photo and out street harassers

a bit larger than waist size and connected by this thing called a buckle

2006-01-10T15:40:00.000-05:00

getting a glimpse of the lower rear-end crevice of a little cutie at the bar (or the beach) is one thing. being boldly confronted with the hairy crack of the painter at the office is an EnTiReLy different animal.

belts people. please.

*updated with links
**updated to correct title (thanks, amy. wish i could say i was being funny and "waste" was intentional. how embarrassing.)

funny peculiar

2006-01-09T14:48:00.000-05:00

we’ve had a guest at our place for a few days and it’s been a nice change of pace. it’s also been a little eye opening. one brief conversation last night went something like this:

“do you think we’re too parental?”

“n-n-no. i mean, you’re definitely parental but i wouldn’t say you’re too parental.”

“really?!”

“well … you just seem a little set in your ways.”

i’m sure many of you are laughing in that oh-i-coulda-told-you-that-a-long-time-ago way right now, but to me it’s mildly surprising. having always considered myself pretty easy going it’s humorous, though a little unsettling, to realize how opinionated i really am about certain things. dining etiquette, for example, has been a hot topic at home lately. growing up, my father always held fast to certain rules in this regard: no elbows on the table. don’t start eating until your host is seated and eating, too. don’t eat with your mouth open. stay at the table until everyone is finished eating. and don’t race, nose in plate, through a meal.

is it really inevitable that we become our parents? does anyone else share these or similar peculiarities?

**on another note, this is the big week for alito. jill takes a look at some questions that need to be answered. let your senators hear from you!

friday frivolity

2006-01-06T14:58:00.000-05:00

alright ... now let's not be shy.

Your Stipper Song Is

Closer by Nine Inch Nails

"You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I?ve got no
Soul to tell"

When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy.

What Song Should You Strip To?

wHatEvEr i am so NOT blushing!

put your money where your mouth is

2006-01-05T16:03:00.000-05:00

when whole foods opened up in midtown atlanta it became one of THE places to be. it’s great that fresh and organic became trendy. and while whole foods is certainly not the ultimate utopian market, it is a triumphant step up from traditional chain grocers. similarly, a small market chain in portland is banking on a new trend in buying local. the result is fresher, better tasting food for customers; a boost to the local farming economy; and a helping hand for the environment. ‘new seasons market’ also stocks many of the usual suspects, but the store encourages patrons to buy local and clearly labels items that are. and they’ve taken a stand on certain products:

… the chain has stopped selling the rockstar energy drink… rockstar's chief executive is russell goldencloud weiner, who developed the company with the help of his mother and his father, michael savage, the far-right talk radio host. mr. rohter said he made the decision because he vehemently opposes mr. savage's views. "we have a few products we choose to make a stand on to help influence the direction of our community," he said.

particularly in our capitalist society, every dollar we spend is a vote. the idea of “influencing the direction of our community” is important but often overlooked. i often think about balancing the convenience of going to the closest store versus buying at the store most worthy of my hard earned cash.

is it necessarily better to buy organic and local from stores like wild oats versus encouraging large chains as they explore the profitability of social responsibility, including what they choose to stock on their shelves (a la publix greenwise products and method brand at target)?

how many ways can you say whoo-whoo?

2006-01-04T14:11:00.000-05:00

when i was a kid there wasn’t much, well any, sex ed talk in my family. rather i was sent off to church camp – no kidding – to learn all about the bird, the bees and the street lexicon used to describe the acts and anatomy involved. what parents didn’t realize was that extracurricular activities included a little unsupervised experimentation. oh, that and the first nitty gritty details we’d all learned actually came from the playground.

patience, perseverance … and the quest for effective impact

2006-01-03T14:56:00.000-05:00

for four years, i spent a november day joining thousands of people from all over the u.s. in columbus, georgia protesting the school of the americas. (video) with our tax dollars, the school provides training to soldiers from latin america which has resulted in injustices from peasant massacres to murders of many human rights activists in countries to our south. at times these weekends seemed like festivals with booths pushing politics, patches and petitions from all walks of liberal life. other times the somberness was chilling as the crowd chanted, in memoriam, the names of the dead and disappeared.

i haven’t been in the last two years, disenchanted with marching and watching others – nuns, college students, vets for peace – get arrested with no readily apparent progress toward the goal. but human rights awards, legislative progress and solidarity from organizations like the catholic peace movement show that momentum is building, however slowly.

although sometimes hard to recognize, there truly are compelling stories out there of victories accomplished by a group of souls who band together toward a cause. it’s the recipe for success that’s difficult to distinguish.

a recent mother jones article points out 2005 david (vs. goliath) style victories like those of the coalition of immokalee workers, and cindy sheehan and supporters.

the moveon 2005 report is particularly poignant. a movement that could have died along with our hopes of ousting w in 2004 instead grew to more than 3.3 million members and raised more than $9mil for candidates/campaigns (with an average single donation of $45). more importantly, moveon has built an important voice.

a note senate democratic leader harry reid asked me to send on to all of
you:

to the members of moveon: i know congress can often seem very far away. but when you folks call, and write, and hold events that demonstrate how much you care about something we’re doing, it really wakes people up. your voices remind me and my colleagues that democracy works. i see the impact every day—you’re forcing congress to answer to the people, not the lobbyists or the white house. and i’m looking forward to fighting alongside you next year.

and here’s what a bush aide in the white house told a reporter for the conservative weekly standard: “obviously the bombardment of . . . ads and the earned media by moveon et al. had an impact."

welcome to 2006

2006-01-02T08:34:00.000-05:00

i generally balk at new year's resolutions as a means of setting oneself up for disappointment. but goals are good for guidance. and after a rather awful 2005, perhaps a few goals will help make 2006 a better year. and what better pressure than making them public.

1. exercise at least three times per week (cliché as that may be)
2. straighten out the finances and bulk up the savings account
3. choose friends wisely and do a better job of maintaining those relationships
4. do more interesting things, socially – less going to the bar and more dinner parties, kayaking, cycling, bowling, stupid touristy stuff, volunteering, whatever
5. learn spanish and/or portuguese
6. make ‘sunshine’ more purposeful, meaning regular posts with min two, preferably three, activist-oriented reads per week
7. make meditation part of my routine; practice being constructively assertive (beyond the workplace); remember balance
8. don’t give up on making a positive impact on my corporate culture and business practices
9. learn to choose a decent bottle of wine
10. be, generally, more responsible: organization is a good thing; the dogs need regular exercise, too; bills must be paid on time; the car will last longer with better care

happy new year!

listen here

2005-12-23T11:46:00.000-05:00

i tend to rely on friends for discovering new music, so i was grateful for this little overview on npr of the best cds you didn’t hear this year.

what i notice most about the first two tracks played is they don’t fit neatly into any radio-played genres. it’s refreshing. otis taylor’s 'mama’s got a friend’ is particularly interesting both because of the subject – a teenage boy discovering that his mom is a lesbian – but also because of the mysteriously melancholy mood it evokes. imogen heap’s 'speak for yourself' is positively angelic. uplifting and like nothing i’ve heard.

update: okay. maybe it is like something i’ve heard. while listening to imogen heap’s album i thought – wow, sounds like frou frou (yes, i realize i’m probably the last one in the game here.) and indeed. upon going to the frou frou site – she is the voice.

the radio bit is a nice listen. there’s even more on the site. it’s a good eclectic mix particularly for those, like me, who are challenged in new music expertise.

all musical suggestions welcome.

hApPy HoLiDays! be back in a week or so.

the gift that keeps giving

2005-12-22T11:54:00.000-05:00

i just received this holiday gift from my boss.

i scoff

2005-12-21T16:30:00.000-05:00

many days i find i have nothing to write here.

nonetheless, as i scroll through my usual reads and find that others haven't updated their blogs ... i scoff and feel contempt. as though you've shirked your responsibility. like you’ve cheated me out of something.

no… we didn’t measure

2005-12-20T11:56:00.000-05:00

we finally bit the bullet this weekend and bought a new couch. while i love the sofa that once sat in front of our tv, the puppy loved it so much she chewed it to smithereens. it was covered in a lovely textured material that made the ideal pet hair magnet. and a visiting pooch loved it so much he urinated on it. needless to say, after a few good years of abject abuse it was time to say goodbye. (this being my first big girl purchase, i observed a moment of silence as she was placed by the dumpster)

i can be, at times, overly cautious about making big purchases – wanting to weigh the options and make the best decision possible. it’s a trait that caused us to lose – to a faster buyer - the perfect chocolate couch, on sale for a ridiculously small amount of money. my girlfriend, on the other hand, is more the type to seize opportunity as it is presented. both approaches have their merits and pitfalls.

so, this weekend we were determined to make the purchase. i was determined to try not to be too cautious. the result: after about 20 minutes we settled on a great sofa at a good price. delighted, we hurried home only to discover that the beast was way bigger than it looked in the huge showroom. we only got it through the door after calling a friend to help, removing the legs and sQuEeZiNg it through. once in it looked a little, well… out of place. too big for the tiny space.

the best part is that everyone’s response has been the same: didn’t you measure? clearly. obviously. no. we didn’t.

note to friends: these types of questions are not welcome after such a purchase. just go off in your respective little corners. laugh at our stupidity. then come back and tell us how nice the couch is. geez.

fortunately, a little rearranging solves the problem.

self-mortified

2005-12-15T17:57:00.000-05:00

as if karaoke isn’t self-deprecating enough (for most of us anyway), now there’s a new opportunity for anyone to gain 15 minutes of fame: a different kind of open mic called mortified.

“mortified stars everyday adults sharing aloud their most embarrassing, pathetic and private teenage diary entries, poems, love letters, lyrics and locker notes... in front of total strangers.”

the whole idea is perfectly brilliant. ever wondered why you still have that box of old diaries and notes – you know, the pages we folded into cute little pull-tab-to-open designs? now you can bare those shameful teenage expressions of love and anguish on stage or online. since this is currently only available in los angeles, san francisco, boston and nyc, please feel free to “share the shame” here. but please, let us know so we can enjoy your public humiliation – or community catharsis – moment with you.

playing to an empty house

2005-12-15T15:15:00.000-05:00

yesterday i sat in u.s. senate gallery watching sen. clinton on the chamber floor passionately deliver an oratory (please excuse the crude paraphrasing) berating congress, namely the republican party, for a budget that continues to offer corporate tax breaks while stripping money from the working class. she lamented the fact that – while corporations that are more than capable of taking care of themselves are being rewarded again and again with measures that make it easier and cheaper to do business and make money – our government is reducing budgets for programs that aid those who can’t care for themselves, like children in foster care.

i was transfixed by her elegant, forceful style. she didn’t skip a beat. her hand gestures were on queue. she turned occasionally from side to side as though addressing every single one of her fellow senators. but every other senators’ desk was empty. on the floor there were are few pages, the president pro tempore, parliamentarian, a couple of secretaries and a stenographer. not another senator in sight, yet she spoke as though it was a full house.

well yes, this is par for the course. senators concentrate, as they must, primarily on committee work. so they often are not on the floor. and her speech was being broadcast, so other senators could watch from their own offices. still, i couldn’t help but be impressed, not only buy her message, but also by her playing so well to an invisible audience. here’s a resulting ap story.

snap this

2005-12-13T16:03:00.000-05:00

a couple of months ago i acquired a holga. this plastic toy camera is built so simply it doesn’t even have a battery (an attribute i found so bizarrely out of the ordinary i searched eVeRy SqUaRe iNcH of the gadget and its instruction manual several times looking for signs of a power source).

despite its simplicity, just ordering the holga was a little intimidating. there are entire internet communities devoted to toy cameras. instructions for modifying them in miscellaneous ways. and some fantastic photographers who use them to create magical images.

when i finally bit the bullet, shot a roll of medium format film and took it in to be processed my child-like anticipation was positively squashed. tromped on by a pompous camera store worker who declared my choice of film ignorant and my decision not to modify the monster a colossal mistake. rather than embracing an opportunity to learn from this owner of six holgas, i wanted to gouge his cocky little leering eyes out. amy likened the experience to going to a surf/skate shop as a teenager only to be ignored by the cooler-than-thou staff. i had similar experiences as a teenager at the local indy music store – the kind of place where music is chosen carefully for fear of being laughed right out of the store. certainly not where i bought my first tape: debbie gibson’s electric youth.

days later when i’d finally mustered up the confidence to pick up my developed photos, i slinked in, approached another salesperson and deftly avoided another tongue lashing from the a**hole holga hun. true, my first holga shots didn’t turn out masterpieces. but not because i’d used 100 rather than 400 speed film. the little beast has a manual film advance that makes it nearly impossible to discern whether one has advanced too far or not far enough.

sigh. i feel better now. any specialty shop horror stories you want to get off your chest? now’s your chance.

seriously ...

2005-12-08T14:18:00.000-05:00

i just walked by an admin at my office who was flossing her teeth At hEr DeSk which sits not in a cubicle or office, but out in the middle of a common area. shouldn’t there be some sort of law against that?

don’t ring my bell

2005-12-06T14:41:00.000-05:00

it’s that time of year again… those people are out with their little red buckets and their little gold bells and that *ding*ding* that beckons for your pocket change every time you enter and exit a store. one has to admit, it gets exhausting. (i wonder if the rings are still in their ears as they drift off to sleep at night.)

for some reason i felt good about buying a christmas tree from a local presbyterian church (particularly after a $70 tree was magically reduced to $40). but, i simply can’t bring myself to give to the salvation army (sa) . heavily involved in w’s push to fund faith-based organizations, sa became a poster child for discrimination based on sexual orientation when it revoked proposed domestic partnership benefits.

target has opted against allowing the bell ringers outside of their stores. as an alternative, the corporation allows customers to purchase sa ‘wishlist’ items online. sounds like a nice compromise. but for the second year in a row, christian organizations are organizing boycotts. “christian activists believe target made the move to appease the homosexual community. the retailer is a contributor to homosexual causes, and [sa] has traditionally opposed the "gay" agenda.”

while it’s difficult to consider every purchase a political statement, I would argue that our money is our most powerful endorsement tool. it speaks louder than letters to the editor and effectively sustains, kills or creates our society’s mores and expectations.

“salvation army leaders have insisted that, as a church, they have a right to let their traditional christian doctrines on sexuality and marriage shape some employees policies and benefits.” that is absolutely true (despite the fact they receive federal funds). and i have the right not to support them. why pass my money on to an organization who will use it to proselytize against homosexuals?

nonetheless, tis the season to give. not just wrapped presents to loved ones, but to those in need through organizations like amnesty international and oxfam.

to have or not to have … a boy or a girl

2005-12-01T10:49:00.000-05:00

for the first time in five years, the u.s. supreme court is tackling the abortion issue, specifically a new hampshire law requiring parental notification for a minor seeking an abortion. opponents of the law call it another step in “eroding access” and say it imposes “undue burden”. arguments for the law note an intention to give pregnant minors the benefit of parental guidance.

the fact of the matter is that cases like these are intended to chip away at roe v. wade. and, because anti-choice arguments are rooted in the belief that life begins at conception, an article on cnn.com exploring gender selection provides interesting juxtaposition:

for parents-to-be, the latest option for gender selection is pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD). it goes like this: a woman’s eggs are fertilized via in vitro. each embryo is then examined, and a male or female embryo is then chosen. unwanted embryos are discarded. the procedure runs about $19k.

whether created through intercourse or in a lab, an embryo is an embryo. and choice is choice. while the anti-choice movement fights to eliminate a woman’s right to make a thoughtful decision based on her current place in life, financial status, ability/desire to care for a child, etc … a wealthy few are making calculated decisions about whether they’d rather raise a boy or a girl.

freedom of the publisher

2005-11-30T13:41:00.000-05:00

administrators at a tennessee high school snatched up just-distributed copies of the school paper because they said an article on birth control needed to be edited to make it “acceptable to the entire school”. a university of tenn professor cried foul, saying it was about administration control. an article from the local independent media center calls the action censorship.

without getting off topic about ridiculous sex education (er, abstinence only) policies, i’m inclined to agree – it’s censorship. then again it is a school newspaper. technically the school is the publisher, and any publisher has the right to determine what is or is not printed in their own newspaper. so, is it the school’s right, as “publisher” to determine the paper’s contents, even if it means censoring certain topics? or, as a government entity, is a school bound to honor first amendment rights for its students?